Friday, May 05, 2006

When To Marry?

Any debate on "when to marry" boils down to this: individual growth.

What will make us better people, marrying "early" (in our 20's) or waiting until our 30's so that we can pursue individual goals and personal attainment?

Many have and will argue that a person should spend his 20's going to college, traveling the world and "learning who he is". This is one form of individual growth. This idea has been growing in popularity for 50 years or so. Granted, it was done before then, but it was not nearly as prevalent. It certainly seems like a great idea. Doesn't a person need to know who he is before he can give of himself in marriage? Doesn't he have to develop the skills and traits that are essential to a happy and successful marriage? Besides, why rush into it? There is plenty of time for the "hassles" of marriage and family.

I don't agree.

The philosophies of "learning who I am" and "experiencing the world" are like the New York Mets. It looks good on paper, but they always disappoint. (Present conditions notwithstanding)

To understand, you have to think about what kind of people we want to become, and how do we get there?

If "individual growth" means becoming nicer, more considerate of others, firm in your convictions, willing to stand up for what is right, constantly learning, and caring about the well-being of others, I say the best way to get these characteristics is to marry and start a family. Why? Take a look at some of the "best" men the world has known. Their commonality is in their service to others.

"Finding yourself" in Europe is all about yourself. The entire philosophy of waiting to marry is based on ones self.

It is inherently selfish.

Selfishness does not a great man make. Striving for a happy marriage and raising happy children is about giving of ones self. It is about serving others. It takes sacrifice. It requires love and devotion. It means subjugating your own wants and sometimes even your needs so that others are cared for. It's hard. It's not very fun most of the time. But oh is it rewarding. When he gives of himself, a man ends up "finding" himself.


Anonymous said...

Another one is when to have children. I heard many people say We need to "get used to each other first" can't afford children, aren't quite ready. AFter getting married.

In fact in a byu newspaper some 2004 some people said dynamics change we prayed about it and should get used to each other before we have kids.

C scott Grow though at a byui devotional railed on that thinking and President Kimball and Benson said same thing.

Not all people will be blessed with marriage and children but those that are I thought the prophets said not to use the reasoning of the world to bring sons and daughters of God in the world.

Cameron said...

Thanks for the comment, anon. I agree that the timing of having children shouldn't be put off needlessly either. Marriage and children go hand in hand.

Anonymous said...

Yeah! "Neither is the man without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord." I mean, I don't think scripture is for private interp. however, I think I can correctly say that "in the lord" would be like saying "as far as he's concerned." Since his concern is all that matters, I chose not to be "without" as soon as I could. Best descision ever.

And now I am With.